Us VS. Them

Back in February I wrote about the lovely birds that visit my backyard. We've really grown fond of our birds: Albert and Alberta (the cardinals), the yellow finches, the nuthatch, the chickadees, the sparrows, the blue jays, the doves, and a few new mysterious feathered friends who joined us this week. Although the cardinals and blue jays are sometimes a tad too loud in the morning, we love them just the same.

What we don't love are the squirrels who frequent our feeder on a daily basis. They are beyond annoying and quite sneaky. We have tried to rid ourselves of the seed-eating squirrels for 7 months, but haven't succeeded as of yet. Our battle record is embarrassing. As it stands, it's us-0, squirrels-too many to count.

Here are some tactics we've tried:
-clapping our hands
-yelling
-walking toward the feeder, waving our arms
-swearing (see story below)
-spraying them with our kitchen sprayer through a window
-spraying them with the hose
-throwing empty water bottles
-throwing flip flops
-throwing crab apples

Each attempt at scaring the squirrels turned out to be ineffective over time. Most recently we removed the feeder from the tree and have attached it to a hooked pole. We sprayed the pole with PAM and enjoyed watching the little creatures slide down the pole like firefighters responding to a five-alarm blaze. Today, though, one was on the feeder and we're feeling pretty defeated once again. It's frustrating. And kind of pathetic.

I'll end on a humorous note with an embarrassing moment thanks to the backyard pests. One day this summer I was loading the dishwasher and happened to look out the kitchen window facing the feeder. A squirrel was shoveling food into its chubby cheeks, so I yelled: "HEY, you f***er, get the hell down!" Then, my eyes focused on the large blurry image in my backyard. Yes, the mailman was delivering mail to my backyard neighbors (love having no privacy) and he was looking in my direction, quite mortified. I quickly ducked down in complete embarrassment, hoping the mailman would think he'd imagined the foul-mouthed neighbor. Actually, I hope he either A.) saw the squirrel and figured out I wasn't yelling at him or B.) got a good laugh. Woops!